So anyone that has gotten to know me well enough, and has spent any time at length talking to me knows that one of the things I loathe are people that rant and rave about something in their life where they have complete control over the situation, and rather than exert that control, they'd rather envelope themselves in the problem, and offload it emotionally onto someone else.
It never ceases to amaze me the people that give up their choices in life only to sit on their butts and whine and complain.
To these people, the ones I care enough about, I give them my version of tough love.
If you bring to my mental doorstep your dead rat, you damn well better be prepared to clean up all the piece and buff the linoleum when you're done, because I'm gonna give you the third degree.
I ask them what they've done to solve the problem themselves. I point out the obvious solutions that they've glossed over. And in doing so, I often encounter my other pet peeve. The phrase, "I can't". You might as well tattoo the phrase, "I'm Fucked" on your forehead if you utter "I can't" anywhere near me.
And sure. I suppose people go off expecting some sort of sympathy, or empathy, or some such thing. And maybe I'd be a better person if I went around telling these people that "things will get better", and "it will all be better soon". Maybe. Maybe I'd be like the educators who pass their students even when they clearly have no mastery of the most basic skills, because they don't want to offend their delicate self esteem by holding them accountable to the educational system. Maybe I'll be like the mother who tells her child that the abuse his father inflicts on both of them is something he can learn to ignore and grow past. Maybe I'd be like the White Knight victim who spends all their time and energy trying to solve everybody else's problems while ignoring their own. Maybe I'd be the two-faced person who tells these people what they want to hear. Not because its the right thing. But because its the thing that would please them most and make them the most agreeable to me. Maybe...
I'd rather empower people. I want to see people who think about the fact that they have accountability in their own emotions. That they are ultimately responsible for how they feel and how they act, and that they can exert Will to "make it all better", and not expect or hope that some outside force will do it for them.
This is one of the reasons I can't stand what I affectionately refer to as the Astrologically Asinine. They can always come up with a cute excuse as to why their lives suck or why they are justified in behaving badly. Because clearly, it's not their fault. *eyeroll*
You want to rant at me and expect sympathy? Fine. Come prepared. Tell me about what you've done yourself to resolve the problem. Tell me about the struggles you've had facing your own fears and about the triumphs you've had overcoming things you didn't think you could overcome. Tell me about all you've put into it. Then tell me that you know you're blowing steam, and that you already really know the answer to your problems and own up to the reasons you haven't enacted them yet. Show me that inside you lays someone greater than some idiot who expects the world to revolve around him. Show me that you have genuine interest in resolving your troubles, and not that you're a lazy fuck looking for someone to justify you.
And if you want a hand hold? a hug? a kind word? something of that nature? Ask for it. Specifically. Don't try and bind me in the web of your inadequacy, and expect me to realize that this entire charade is just to get a bit of love and affection from me. Otherwise I'll give you the love I give. And if you can't handle that, don't go bringing your shit to my doorstep.